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Prologue
Pole Socking is the thing to do,
And it doesn't hurt to have a low I.Q.
. . .
Pole Socking 'll quench your danger thirst.
The stupid ones always seem to come in first.
. . .
Pole Socking is one big bash,
The favorite sport of cheap white trash.
. . .
Better get with the sport, 'cause it won't last long
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2006 Feb 23 at 13:42 PST
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Native American History of Pole Socking
By Fredric Wenom
Author of American Indian Games: Little Cousin of War
Though now a highly renown and respected sport, Pole Socking actually has its origins as one of many varieties of indigenous stickball games played by Native Americans at the time of European contact. Early data from missionaries such as French Jesuits in Huron country in the 1630s and English explorers, such as Jonathan Carver in the mid-eighteenth century Great Lakes area, are scant and often conflicting. They inform us mostly about team size, equipment used, the duration of games and length of playing fields but tell us almost nothing about pole handling, game strategy, or the rules of play. The oldest surviving poles date only from the first quarter of the nineteenth century. Jeff Beers provided good information on Mohawk playing techniques in his Lapolea (1869), while Kirk Munay in the Philosophical Anthropologist (1890) described in detail the "[Eastern] Cherokee pole-game," including its legendary basis, elaborate rituals, and the rules and manner of play, as well as the practices of
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2006 Feb 23 at 13:43 PST
— Ed. 2006 Feb 23 at 14:04 PST
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Positions
Attacker: The attacker's responsibility is to score goals. The attackers generally restrict their play to the offensive end of the field. A good attackman demonstrates excellent pole work with both hands and is quick to maneuver around the goal. Each team should have at least three attackers on the field during play.
Midfielder: The midfielder's responsibility is to cover the entire field, playing both offense and defense. The midfielder is a key to the transition game, and is often called upon to clear the ball from defense to offense. A good midfielder demonstrates good pole work including throwing, catching, scooping, plowing, and smashing. Speed and stamina are essential. Each team should have three midfielders on the field.
Defender: The defenseman's responsibility is to defend the goal. The defenseman generally restricts his play to the defensive end of the field. A good defenseman should be able to react quickly in game situations. Agility and aggressiveness are necessary, but great stick work is not essential to be effective. Each team should have at least three defensemen on the field.
Goalie: The goalie's responsibility is to protect the home pole and stop the opposing team from socking it. A good goalie also leads the defense by reading the situation and directing the defensemen to react. A good goalie should have excellent hand/eye coordination and a strong voice. Quickness, agility, confidence and the ability to concentrate are also essential. Each team has one goalie in the goal during play.
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2006 Feb 23 at 13:44 PST
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Equipment
The Socking Pole: Traditionaly carved from branches or trunks of ceader or rustic pine, most socking mallets and maces today are made of laminated wood or synthetic material, with either a stainless steel or brass hammer head or flanged mace.
There are no official specifications regulating size, weight or construction of the pole; they are as individual as the user. Usually lances are 6 feet to 7 feet in length, with poles being 7 feet to 8 feet. Many players have their poles custom-made to 6 feet 9 inches so they can be used to measure the height of goal rings and drive-throughs from the ground when adjusting an official course.
The weight of the hammer is also a matter of individual preference. The average pole weighs about 5 to 7 pounds. Some players prefer lightweight mallets and have found that professional pool cues with added metal points will weigh only about 1 to 2 pounds. On the other end of the scale are players who prefer much heavier hammer (12 to 15 pounds) to increase stability in the face of wind resistance. Arm strength and comfort levels determine the ideal weight for each individual.
Today's modern lathes can turn stainless steel into smooth, non-rusting precision points fine enough to allow even a 1/4 inch ring to slide back several inches. Many socking poles and hammers are also fitted with a center coupling joint so the mallet can be separated and fitted into a convenient traveling box.
The Socking Ball: The ball must be made of solid rubber and can be white, yellow or orange. The ball is 7.75 - 8 inches in circumference and 5 - 5.25 ounces. It is used in similar respects to the snitch in Quidditch.
The Helmet: A protective helmet, equipped with face mask, chin pad and a cupped four point chin strap fastened to all four hookups, must be worn by all players. All helmets and face masks must be NOCASE (National Operating Committee on Athletic Standards for Equipment) approved.
The Mouthpiece: While the mouthpiece is entirely optional, it must be a highly visible color.
Protective Equipment: All players, with the exception of the goalkeeper, must wear shoulder pads. Arm pads and rib pads are also strongly recommended and often required, as are athletic equipment and post-apocalyptic stylized clothing. The goalkeeper is required to wear a throat protector and chest protector, in addition to a helmet, mouthpiece and gloves.
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2006 Feb 23 at 13:46 PST
— Ed. 2006 Feb 24 at 17:02 PST
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CornJer
Metal does cocaine.
2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧
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Someone sticky this.
If you jump high enough you'll hurt your ankles when you land.
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2006 Feb 24 at 16:08 PST
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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Okay.
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2006 Feb 25 at 00:12 PST
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2006 May 11 at 13:15 PDT
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mrsticks
Wingus (Part of the Wingus and Dingus set)
2005 Sep 28 • -2485
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Where did he go, anyway?
__________________________________________________
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2008 Jul 2 at 13:01 PDT
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fuck you.
im about to change your password.
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2008 Jul 2 at 13:02 PDT
— Ed. 2008 Jul 2 at 13:02 PDT
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WHAT IS POLE SOCKING!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????
Make awkward sexual advances, not war. Down Rodeo said: Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that 
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2008 Jul 2 at 13:22 PDT
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Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
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Zarathustra never really left.
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2008 Jul 2 at 16:08 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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I see him on from time to time. Checking up on us. Making sure everything is going along with The Plan. He rarely posts, though. He's a mysterious Sentinel of the boards.
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2008 Jul 3 at 05:40 PDT
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NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
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Well, I remembered to log in.
Wait, I'm definitely not Zaraboostra. 
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
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2008 Jul 17 at 13:43 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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Oh snap! What are YOU doing here?!
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2008 Jul 17 at 21:29 PDT
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Trying to rape us! OH MY!  Give him SRAW! He will leave us alone!
Make awkward sexual advances, not war. Down Rodeo said: Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
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2008 Jul 17 at 21:31 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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NatureJay feeds on the vital fluids of children, not on their innocence.
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2008 Jul 17 at 21:33 PDT
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SRAW is 12 he is a child.GIVE HIM SRAW!
Make awkward sexual advances, not war. Down Rodeo said: Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
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2008 Jul 17 at 21:34 PDT
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NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
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aaronjer said: Oh snap! What are YOU doing here?!
I told you I'd come to settle things between us!...
But I took a wrong turn in Berlin and somehow ended up in Patagonia...
In better news, I've subjugated the rock monsters! They've been a boon to golem research and we're close to having a expendable work force for our experiments in orchestrated disast... er... er.. I mean pole socking tournaments!
And there's no need to bust out the blood sacrifices yet, I am full and/or pleased. 
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
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2008 Jul 17 at 22:04 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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Rock monsters, eh? I thought those were considered off-sides ever since the Nomad/PS-A Treatise of '07. You may end up incurring a lot of fees to keep those things from being towed away by the authorities. The Board of Committees is going to have a fit about this.
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2008 Jul 17 at 23:26 PDT
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NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
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Really? I thought that only covered sentient obstacles. I just wanted cheap labor 
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
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2008 Jul 17 at 23:46 PDT
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eDan Co.
Mighty Typist
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
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aaronjer said: Oh snap! What are YOU doing here?!
That sounds soo familiar...
May contain traces of invisible text.
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2008 Jul 18 at 04:01 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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I think it's similar to a line used in Lost in Appleton... the one with the headcrab and Freeman. That's probably my source.
Well, you know how Rock Monsters tend to pile up into a wall when they sleep? And how they are nigh impossible to wake? That's how they fall under that category of sentient obstacle. If you could find away to prevent their sleep entirely or at least change their behavioral patterns you may have something! I can have the Consulate of Cabinets speak to the Board of Committees and see if they can't send an updated resolution to the Panel of Boards and Consulates. From there the Bureau of Cabinets, Panels and Boards should be able to rewrite the rules in your favor.
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2008 Jul 18 at 11:12 PDT
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eDan Co.
Mighty Typist
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
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I know why that sounded so familiar!
Zarathustra said: Oh Snap, its you. I mean me. I mean
May contain traces of invisible text.
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2008 Jul 18 at 11:43 PDT
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NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
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aaronjer said:
Well, you know how Rock Monsters tend to pile up into a wall when they sleep? And how they are nigh impossible to wake? That's how they fall under that category of sentient obstacle. If you could find away to prevent their sleep entirely or at least change their behavioral patterns you may have something! I can have the Consulate of Cabinets speak to the Board of Committees and see if they can't send an updated resolution to the Panel of Boards and Consulates. From there the Bureau of Cabinets, Panels and Boards should be able to rewrite the rules in your favor.
Oh, OH! I get it, it was just a simple mix-up.
I wasn't using Rock Monsters for that, I was using them to progress our golem research. The whole sleep thing is still an issue sometimes unless they're made of metal, because rust doesn't sleep. Unfortunately, with the world economy the way it is, it's getting harder and harder to find even scrap metal at a discount rate (most of it's pig iron) and the oxidization process has always meant a shorter lifespan. But I think that it could be worked out depending on what kind of rocks we were using.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
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2008 Jul 18 at 12:40 PDT
— Ed. 2008 Jul 18 at 12:50 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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You could just fuse pistons or rocket launchers on to each of the gomez and they would then qualify as sentient machines and you could avoid the rule entirely. But then of course you'd be paying insurance fees and tariffs each time you moved them into another country.
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2008 Jul 18 at 16:48 PDT
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