Transcript

The KARATRON 8,000,000,000

The world's most advanced karaoke machine by a WIDE margin

Bunch of kids yelling happily: KARATRON!

*narrator* Kids love the Karatron 8 Billion! (Warning: the Karatron 8 Billion is
not a toy.)

Singer: Once I switched to the Karatron 8 Billion, my karaoke career has soared
to a new level!

*narrator* The Karatron 8 Billion provides a karaoke experience unlike anything
you've ever seen, or could possibly comprehend.

(Caution: some components of the Karatron 8 Billion have an operating
temperature exceeding 4000 degrees fahrenheit.)

Singer: The Karatron 8 Billion may be big, but all the size comes with an
inordinate amount of power!

*pictured* People singing VERY loudly

*narrator* Get ready for an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at the creation of
the Karatron 8 Billion!

Engineer: Creating the Karatron 8 Billion was no small feat.

Other Engineer: Creating the Karatron 8 Billion was NO small feat.

*narrator* The creation of the Karatron 8 Billion involved over 10 million man
hours, countless government grants, and a net budget exceeding that of some
wars.

Third Engineer: Creating the Karatron 8 Billion was NO SMALL FEAT.

*narrator* The Karatron 8 Billion has already solved some of the most profound
mysteries of the cosmos.

Nerdy guy: Astrophysicists have long been unable to detect or determine the
nature of dark matter in the universe. But the first time we powered on the
Karatron 8 Billion, it absorbed all the dark matter in the universe to use as a
fuel source. Problem? Solved.

*narrator* Coming soon: the new, portable Karatron 8 Billionths

Singer: Now I can take the Karatron with me wherever I go. (Human mounting
brackets, forklift and safety harness not included.)

*pictured* KARATRON 8/1,000,000,000

*narrator* Let's hear more from people actually using the Karatron 8 Billionths.

Singer: With the Karatron 8 Billionths, I no longer need to sing. In fact, I
can't!

*narrator* The Karatron 8 Billionths emits a complex soundwave capable of
amusing, soothing, and slightly titillating human audiences.

Engineer: Less than half of the people subjected to the Karatron 8 Billionths
even complain, vocally.

KARATRON CORPORATION

Karaoke for everyone, everywhere, always.

(Warning: misuse of the Karatron 8 Billion or Karatron 8 Billionths will cause
instant hearing loss, instant bone loss, memory loss, and loss of actual past
events.)

*narrator* The Karatron 8 Billion contains all songs that have been, will be, or won't be recorded. The Karatron 8 Billion even contains some impossible music that simply can't exist.

Woman: I lost my husband's wedding ring in my sister's Conglomerate Disposal Confactory. But thanks to the Karatron 8 Billion, such a device was now never invented in this timeline!

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Poll: Funniest non-existent device to lose a wedding ring in?

Conglomerate Disposal Confactory
Conglomerate Disposal Hutch
Dub Hutch
Regressive Tube Juicer
Rotary Counting Box
...?