Santa has been naughty this year. If you know what I mean...

I mean, he supposedly goes out on Christmas night, sneaks into little boys and little girls bedrooms and empties his sack.

Not to mention the "ho ho ho" part.

He's a pimp! And a pedophile! Not to mention he's guilty of breaking and entering, counterfeiting, copyright infrigment, impersonation, breaking the laws of physics, breaking the laws of magic, creating weather control devices (I'm not kidding, that's illegal in the USA) and more.

And his "traditional" red suit was just a promotion by Coca-Cola. Sounds Mafia-related. Also, a particular artist decided to draw Santa as a fat man. And I'm pretty sure the same artist-inspiration was added by someone else in an earlier painting. He's a composite character!

Now, consider this. Think of Santa's image growing as time passes on. Santa comes during the winter. And during the winter there is snow. Snow means snowballs, which make snowmen. When making a snowman, you push a snowball on the snow to build up more snow over time, therefore, making it bigger. Santa's image used to be varied, but thanks to a particular artist, he became fat, therefore, he became bigger.

Now this is where things get really scary. I just compared Santa to a rolling snowball. Snowballing is a slang term for a particular sexual act. Now, think back to the part where I mentioned that Santa empties his sack.

Makes you wonder, doesn't it? And I thought Christmas had only two meanings...

SHOGUN"]when he says 15 he means 7

Santa Claus isn't real, god, I figured that out when I was like 15 years old.