SRAW
Rocket Man

2007 Nov 6 • 2525
601 ₧

Ok heres the joke:

You write the joke and dont feel embarrased, im no good at jokes

SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6629

SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6629

Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse


2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧

Maths jokes! I could totally start putting up more of those type but I don't know how happy the rest of the board posters would be...

eDan Co.
Mighty Typist



2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧

MATH JOKE

A physicist, biologist, and a mathematician are sitting at a cafe. They see that one person walks into the building across the road. A few minutes later, two people come out. The physicist says "We must have miscounted." the biologist says "It's easy- they reproduced." the mathematician said "if another person will enter the building, it will be empty".

I know, I'm an old fart for posting that...

xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.


2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧

Q. You walk into an elevator with a gun with two bullets in it, and theres a lion, a tiger, and a lawyer. which ones do you shoot.

A. You shoot the lawyer twice just in incase hes still alive!

molkman
Owner of George Washington's Prototype Mittens





2005 May 2 • 2066
404 ₧

Two toothpicks walk up a hill, as a hedgehog walks past them. The one toothpick says "If I knew there was a bus, I would've taken the bus."

SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6629

xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.


2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.


2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

Im a dirty joker as like my other postsand other kinds of stupid ones


A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

'That's unfair!' he cried. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.'

'Shut up,' barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.
'Who are you to question that woman's punishment?'










A self-centered, unbelieving man... ok a lawyer... died and was delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the devil said.

In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show me the second."

In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the man said, "but show me the third."

In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee.

"I'll choose this room," he said.

Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.

Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "O.K., coffee break is over, back on your heads."






One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.

The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.

"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this."

"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"

xXJigsaw23Xx
IS what she said.


2007 Oct 21 • 912
41 ₧

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

If you die for budha this will be waiting for you...

Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse


2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧

An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are at a conference in a hotel. The engineer, haggardly drawing on a cigarette, spills some ash into his bin. He stamps it out and continues working at his desk.
The chemist drops his cigar into his bin, setting it alight. He thinks "I need to reduce the burning material's temperature and I need to separate it from the combusting agent- oxygen in the air". With this reasoning, he runs it under the shower. Disaster averted.
Later the mathematician does the same with his pipe. When the engineer and the chemist are called out by the fire alarm, they see the mathematician being led out by some firefighters. They ask him, "What happened?". The mathetician responds, "My wastepaper basket was on fire. There was a glass of water on my bedside table. It was OBVIOUS a solution existed!"

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

The Little Johnny series:

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her
class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk
board and asks the class,

"Does anyone know what this is?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny
one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush
the babysitter's teeth."





It is near the end of the school year.
The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really
nothing more to do. All the children are restless
because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and
correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta
here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says,
"Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says,
"Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can
do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says,
"John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to
answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says,
"I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"



A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting
on a fence and you shoot one of them,
how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says,

"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting
on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking
the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the
wedding ring on...

.....but I like your thinking."



A father came home from a long business trip to find
his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.

"Where did you get the money for the bike?
It must have cost $300," he asked.

"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied.
"I earned it hiking."

"Come on Johnny," the father said.
"Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.

"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds,
would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill
and tell me to take a hike!"




Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the
middle of the night in search of a glass of water.
Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in
and caught his folks in The Act.

Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny
exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy,
can I ride on your back?"

Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable
questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his
stride, Daddy agreed. Johnny hopped on and Daddy
started going to town.

Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping.

Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy!
This is the part where me and the,
milkman usually get bucked off!"

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

There was a contruction worker who was working on a
building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death.
He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said '

'Oh, I am sorry, my son.

But you have been sentenced to hell.

The worker agreed -- not like he could do anything
else -- and he was on his way.

When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said,
Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the
fiery pits.Then the worker replied, That wall could use
a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could
throw me in the pit afterward. So he fixed the wall.

Satan, intrigued, asked, What else can you build?

So the construction worker went about his job and made
many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done,
hell was a paradise.

It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it.
Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said,
I think there has been a mix-up.
That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven.

Satan replied, No way -- he's built all sorts of useful
stuff for us. We're keeping him. God then said,

Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court.

We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages.

Satan just laughed:

And where are you going to find a lawyer?

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new
sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating
very long, after careful consideration, he decided a
pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic
but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's
younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a
pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and
the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart
got the panties.

Without checking the contents, the young man sealed
the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the
following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in
the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen
the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones
that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade,
but the lady,

I bought them from showed me the pair she had been
wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly
soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked
really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for
you the first time as no doubt other hands will come
in contact with them before I have a chance to see you
again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them
before putting them away as they will naturally be a
little damp from wearing. Just think how many times,

I will kiss them during the coming year!

All my love.
Havokk Edge

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

Which one's better, Prison or Work ?

In prison: You spend the majority of your time in an
8x10 cell.
At work: You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.


In prison: You get three meals a day.
At work: You get a break for 1 meal and you have to
pay for it.


In prison: You get time off for good behavior.
At work: You get rewarded for good behavior with
more work.


In prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors
for you.
At work: You must carry around a security card and
unlock and open all the doors yourself.


In prison: You can watch TV and play games.
At work: You get fired for watching TV and playing
games.


In prison: You get your own toilet.
At work: You have to share.


In prison: They allow your family and friends to visit.
At work: You cannot even speak to your family
and friends.


In prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no
work required.
At work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work
and then they deduct taxes from you salary to
pay for prisoners.


In prison: You spend most of your life looking through
bars from inside wanting to get out.
At work: You spend most of your time wanting to get
out and go inside bars.


In prison: There are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work: They are called supervisors.


In prison: You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
At work: You get fired if you get caught.

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

Must read conversations

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow
is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and
frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems.
Give the menu card.

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing
football and the game went into extra time.

Customer : If I post this letter tonight,
will it reach Delhi in a days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick!
Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide


2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧

THE BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR!!


A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year
old scotch. As the bartender was busy, he decided
to serve the guy whatever he had under his hand.

The fellow took a sip, spat it out, and told the
bartender, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch
and not a three year-old one."

When the bartender heard that, he checked the
bottle and was amazed that the fellow was right
-- he had served him a three-year old scotch.

The bartender wanted to see how good the
fellow was, so he served him another scotch,
this one a six-year old.

The guy had a sip and spat it out, complaining,
"I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a
six-year old one."

The bartender was surprised by how good this
fellow was. So the barman decided to play one
more little game. He served the customer
a nine-year-old scotch instead of a twelve-year
old one as requested.

The fellow had a sip and spat it out, stating,
"I think I asked for a twelve-year old scotch
and not a nine-year old one."

The bartender was very impressed and finally
served him the demanded twelve-year-old scotch.

The customer took a sip and added,
"This is what I asked in the first place."

At the end of the counter sat a man who had
witnessed this scene.

He sent a tumbler to the scotch expert and
asked him to have a sip.

The fellow did so and spat it out and said,
"Good Lord, that's piss."

The other man added, "Now tell me how old I am."